Thursday 18 November 2010

a hell.

I'm in Kent with my family. I came down for my birthday. I've been here...not long over a week, I suppose. I'm not sure how many days. I could have been here any amount of time (time tends to be like that with me). It's weird because my family live with my mum's new partner and I've only been to this house once. In Summer. I slept in the conservatory on the couch in my jeans every night for nearly 3 weeks. This time because it's winter and my mum doesn't want me to freeze, I have been sleeping on my 7 year old brother's bedroom floor on an inflatable mattress.
My laptop broke. The whole 'blue screen of death' thing happened so I called Johnny and asked him what I could do and he told me to do somethings and I did them and it worked again...for about 2 minutes. Now it won't switch on at all. For my birthday, my mum bought me another laptop that turned out to be more of a netbook, which is a really long story that I don't feel like writing down. It works fine though. Right now I am waiting for my brothers to finish watching Misfits so that I can watch Ace of Cakes. My food obsession seems to be rearing it's ugly head again. I just watch cooking shows all the time. My favourites are the cake ones. I may as well be a 40 year old woman with lots of cats.
What else I am doing:
-Working on the whole Maisy Peters thing:
        ^A collection of writing about mental health
-Illustrations for a graphic novel about sexual abuse, anorexia and the connections that can exist between them (still in planning stages so don't expect to hear about that one any time soon).
-Illustrations for a writing magazine called 'Beautiful Scruffiness' (which is the most exciting thing on my list)
-Commissioned portrait.

I was meaning to go see some friends in London this week but I suck at planning and I don't care enough. I don't want to go out. I just want someone to talk to who can vaguely understand what is going on. Last night it got to the point where it seemed like emailing Samaritans was a fantastic option. Then I slept. I felt a little better but not by much...I recieved a response. I'll never be doing that again, let me tell you.
I don't know! I feel like a ball of messed up right now and maybe talking to someone wouldn't really help but I still wish I could because maybe it would get rid of the feeling that I have. It feels like I've been screwed into a paper ball really tightly and it's also noisy on the inside. That doesn't make sense!!!!

1 comment:

  1. Hey. I nearly e-mailed the Sams the other week - best to avoid? I thought that might be the case, to be honest. Do feel free to e-mail me instead. I'm not exactly a champion at saying the right thing but I do have 'experience', shall we say? I don't think I've yet had the courage to share that particular niche of my life with you, but, yes, I may know where you're coming from. And I do care about you. I hope you're okay right now.

    Laura (Wood, MrsJellybobUK)

    ReplyDelete

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